Am I Really Cut Out For This?

Yesterdays cheer practice went pretty well........ for the girls. Not so much for me.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel uncomfortable during the practice. In the beginning I was so excited, and I had so many plans and ideas of how it would go.......and lots of fears too.

The fears, unfortunately, proved to be more accurate than the plans and ideas. After most of the girls arrived, we got them together and had them start their stretches. 2 of the other 4 coaches were there (the fourth had not arrived yet) and both of them got on the ground with them to do their stretches.

I panicked. I honestly didn't know if I could even do the stretches... and I could just picture myself on the ground struggling to do them and then not being able to get up. Yet again, I was struck with just how much my weight hinders my everyday life. I can't sit comfortably on the ground due to a pain I get in my tailbone (I really need to get it checked out. Something is wrong, and I get sharp pains, and can feel what I am assuming are bones rubbing together). Not only that but my legs are too fat to sit Indian Style. I always have to stretch one leg out and only bend one leg at a time.

So instead, I went over and grabbed my notebook and shuffled through papers, pretending to be busy looking over notes and forms.

My next drawback came when we were instructing the girls on doing the cheers. We broke them into two groups. One group to assess which girl can do what...ex. backbends, forward rolls, cartwheels, roundoffs, splits, etc. And the other group we began teaching them cheers. I was with the "cheer" group.

All parents sat around watching, some sitting in the grass Indian Style, some in their chairs they brought, and I felt that all eyes were on me judging. I felt inadequate, and was too embarrassed and timid to help demonstrate the cheer. The other coach did not ask me to, but it would have been nice had I HELPED, instead of standing there like a bump on a log. I made a few comments such as wrong leg, turn the other way, etc.

Another problem I had was remembering girls names. My short term memory apparently is horrible. I seemed to be the only coach really struggling with keeping up with the new girls name. So when I wanted to make a correction or suggestion to help out, I couldn't remember the girl I needed to address to get her attention. Rather than saying "Hey! Girl in the green shorts...", I did nothing.

I know that it is my own inhibitions keeping me from doing this. But standing there, I imagined every one watching was wondering why in the world I was even selected as a coach. These thoughts increased my anxiety, and I began to feel like I had made a huge, horrible, disastrous mistake. What had I been thinking? What made me think I was cut out for this? That I could even contemplate that I COULD do this?

I'm sure I made an EXCELLENT impression on the other coaches.

After I got home I practiced the cheers we learned, and I'm going to have E teach me the other ones. I have seen them done before, but not ever being required to learn them, I didn't. I will work everyday on learning the cheers and moves. I'm sure I'll look hilarious out there doing the cheers with all my blubber, but I'm going to have to force myself not to think of that. To remind myself not to worry about what others think.

I may not look like a cheerleading coach, but I sure as hell am going to start acting like one....