Commitment and Happiness

“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” - Author Unknown

I saw the above quote on a blog post today, and it really hit home.  One of the reasons why I think I have been successful so far to this weight loss program is because I am committed.  I do not accept excuses from myself anymore.

For years, I have struggled with my Weight.  I've been on diets, lifestyle changes, and times that I just didn't care enough to do anything.  I look at myself sometimes and I wonder HOW did I get here? HOW did I let myself get so out of control?

Here's How :
Next week vs. Today
I wish vs. I will
Occasionally vs. No more
Just this once  vs.  Never again
Who cares vs.  I care

I am making a commitment to myself.  I am committing that I will take control of my life.  I will get healthy.  I will wear sexy clothes.  I will play with my children.  I will no longer let anything or anyone else control my life.  I will not let anything keep me from my goal.  I will find my own happiness.  I will be more active.  I will live life to the fullest.  I will stop watching my life go by from the sidelines. I will get out there and be an active participant. 

For so long I lived my life always trying to please others.  Going above and beyond to ensure that no one was mad at me, everyone was happy.... but I never focused on my happiness.  What would make ME happy?  I'm not talking about self indulgence, but of basic necessities.  Every choice I ever made was with someone else in mind.  I never even CONSIDERED what I might want....

Did this lead to my love of good food? Was this the only thing I was doing "for myself"? Giving myself those moments of "instant gratification".   Eating larger and larger portions of what I loved because it was the only satisfaction I was getting?  ......... Maybe.

I was living my life in other's Shadows.  According to how I thought they wanted me to live.  Like a puppet on a string, I went through the motions of life at their direction.  The problem with this, is that when you live in the Shadow of someone else, you never learn how to be yourself.  I had no sense of Self Identity, and lost a sense of Self Worth in the process.  I didn't have dreams of my own, plans for my future.....  I let others make decisions for me.  In fact, I felt incapable of making decisions.  I struggled with even simple things.

When asked "Where do you want to eat?" when going to lunch with a friend, I was overwhelmed, and could never give an answer other than "I don't know" or most commonly "wherever you want to go".  When pressured to make a decision I became flustered, the only thoughts going through my head were..... "Where would they want to eat? What if they don't like Mexican? What is a safe choice? I know they like seafood, but I really don't like it. Maybe I could find something on the menu I could eat? What about Italian, do they like Italian? What if I make a bad choice, and then they feel obligated to eat there?" 

And you know what I learned? If we are not happy with ourselves, we can not make anyone else happy.  And it is not our "duty" to do so.  No matter how much we want to, we can not be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  We are all individuals, with our own thoughts, ideas, and goals,  whether we choose to acknowledge them or bury them deep within, keeping them hidden even from ourselves.  We can BRING happiness to someone else, but we can not be RESPONSIBLE for their happiness.  It is for each of us to find our own happiness.

Happiness doesn't grow on trees either.  We make our own happiness...... or misery.  We can focus on all the negative in our lives, and wallow in self pity and loathing, or we can find the things in life that bring us joy.  Things that we are passionate about, and hobbies that we really enjoy.  We can spend our free time doing things we love, or obsessing about the things we hate.  We can find all the flaws in our bodies, or we can embrace our individuality, and learn to love ourselves.  We can live our lives as we are told to, or we can live our lives as we want to.

While I still struggle at times with this, I do listen now to that little voice within and I at least take my wants into consideration when making decisions.  I can't always choose what I want, but I do acknowledge it, instead of suffocating it out.

Life is too short to live someone else's dreams.  And we only have this one life here on Earth. Why not enjoy it?